"Fruit" for Thought

Oh friends. My heart and head have been spinning all day with thoughts and revelations, and I simply must type them out to put my mind at ease. This morning we had a beautiful candle service to celebrate the coming of our King, and Pastor Troy was reading from a passage concerning “light” that reminded me of two separate passages:

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.” Matthew 5:14 

… which spurred me on to the verse:

“You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?” Matthew 7:16

And I began to think...dangerous, I know… But I began to ask myself -- what kind of fruit am I bearing? Is the Jesus I say I serve, and the spiritual fruit being produced in my life reflective of who Jesus really is? By living my life, do people want my Jesus? It’s a humbling thought, because I had to answer honestly, not always.

We live in an independent, “don’t judge me,” “this is my life” type of society. But the sheer reality is, people make judgements all the time. We judge which babysitter is worthy of caring for our children. We judge which spouse we will take, or who we will date. We judge whether or not to trust someone. We judge people, things, ourselves. As Christians, we know we will be judged, even condemned, for our faith. Which brings me back to the question that haunted me all day… What Jesus am I showing through my life? What fruits in my life are present, amidst judgement and persecution and the distractions of everyday life that point to my Savior? Am I a testament of grace? Of joy? Of understanding? Of telling the truth in love? Or am I instead a testament of complacency and self-reliance -- am I simply a good person??

As the new year approaches and as we celebrate the beginning of our Savior’s journey to the cross, take a moment to think, to really confront yourself, what Jesus am I showing?? The results may be humbling, but if they will know us by our fruits, shouldn’t we start being dangerously aware of how we help people encounter our Jesus??

Merry Christmas, dear friends, and may this season challenge you as much as it blesses you. Remember that without God’s sacrifice, there would be no celebration.

Rep.

Lessons...

There is nothing quite so maddening as having an entire post typed, and then all get erased...here is my second go around...

Sometimes life just stinks. Can you relate? Sometimes you look at situations in your life and you think how in the world did it get to this point? Am I alone in this?

My best friends and I have started holding each other accountable on a frequent basis. As new mamas, it's hard sometime to fit everything in a single day, and we were tired of not making our devotional times a priority. This has been a great challenge to me, as I have learned to form new habits and time management skills, but the greatest result has been watching how faithful the Lord is to meet me right where I am. Here's what he's been teaching me in some unexpected places, like the books of Hosea and Amos...

We have mostly all been told at one time or another that God's love is undeniable. That it is powerful. That it is all-covering, forgiving. And don't get me wrong, I love this aspect of God. But the Lord had other lessons to teach me these past few weeks. Just as God is love, God is justice. Yes, God will judge you. And he is not going to judge you by your own standards. He's going to judge you, me, us by HIS standards, despite our American mentality of "anything goes." Reading through Hosea and Amos, people who denied God went through some pretty wild stuff. And worse than the wild stuff? Those people were separated from God. They were separated from the love that is so characteristic of God. God pursues us even when we run from him, but he also promises punishment if we do not turn from our sinfulness. That's lesson one.

Lesson two: Because God is just, he promises to vindicate his people. God knows when someone wrongs you. He knows when someone makes a wrong assumption about you. If you are serving him, be promises to vindicate you. Normally I used the word "save" because it was a churchy word, but I have fallen in love with this word vindicate. I don't want to be saved from my sin, or from people who sin against me, I want to be vindicated! I want to grow and change and thrive! Jesus promises us that he will do that. Love and justice go hand in hand. 

Lesson three. Okay. So lesson one and two were all fine and good. But I still felt like sometimes life just stinks. And you know what? It always will. We live in a world corrupted by the sinful hearts of mankind, and that will never change until the Lord's return. And my heart felt so heavy at the realization that there are some things in my life that may never be resolved this side of eternity.  That brought so much sadness to my already-aching heart. As I have been praying I have been really trying to relinquish my anxiety and truly cast my cares upon my Lord. And tonight, it finally clicked. Last week my mom bought me a MudLove bracelet that says Esperanza on it, which means hope. As I was praying, I caught a glimpse of my bracelet (since I write out my prayers and I wear my bracelet on my right hand). This word, this one word, finally put together the pieces I had been learning the past few weeks. The Lord loves me. The Lord will vindicate me. My timing is not the timeline by which he works. I have to trust... to hope... in the promises that he has left for me. This simple realization changed the way I prayed tonight after a few days of higher levels of anxiety than I was comfortable with --

                           

                               "Lord, let your hope- your esperanza - shine in my dark places." 

We all have dark places. We all have hurts. We all have baggage.  And we all have to answer for the sins that are not covered in blood through confession to God. But above all, we all have hope. And for now, for tonight, that is all my hurting heart needs to know. 

What is the Lord teaching you this week?

Open Hands.

Disclaimer: This is NOT a political post. These are thoughts swirling around in my whimsical brain that may or may not make any sense to anyone but myself.

I was asked to lead worship on an upcoming Sunday as my worship leader will be out of town. I said yes, albeit reluctantly, as I have always considered myself more of a "behind-the-scenes" person. Once I accepted this huge honor and responsibility, I started thinking and planning out introductions to songs, etc. I have this image in my head of people praying. But not just praying... I have this vision (for myself included) of entering into the Almighty Presence of the Father with open hands. This is something I picked up in college, where from time to time when I would pray, instead of kneeling or just closing my eyes, I would simply hold my hands out to signify to God that I was letting go, and/or willing to receive whatever He wanted to give to me, be it encouragement or command, conviction or revelation.

WHAT IF we lived our lives with open hands, every day? WHAT IF we were willing to accept conviction with the "Well done, good and faithful servant?" WHAT IF we allowed Jesus to transform us in such a way that people around us would be forced to notice a beautiful difference without us even saying a word?

Think about it! What would happen to our schools -- our nation -- our WORLD if we approached everyday with open hands?

I have been married for almost 2 years now, and anyone who has been married for a significant amount of time can attest that sometimes it is hard to live with another human being, no matter how deep your love and affection for them goes. I married Justin knowing that every morning I would choose  to love him. That was my promise. I don't have to.  I have free will and I choose to, just like Jesus chooses to love me, and because I am standing by my promise, God has grown my love for my husband everyday since the day I married him. That being said, if we are willing to choose our spouses and choose our places of employment, and for goodness sakes choose what we have for breakfast, can't we also choose to live our lives with open hands? Can't we choose to live our lives in complete surrender no matter the cost???

I think fear gets in the way of us opening our hands completely. I know it does for me. I don't want to go through hard stuff. I don't want my faith to be tested. I would really like an easy life (wouldn't we all?). But that's not how life is. If everyone's life were easy, then there would be no reason for us to need a Savior. I have found that in the trials in my life I am the most joyful, because I have seen different sides of God that I can't see when everything is easy, simply because I tend to fool myself that I can make it on my own.

No one will ever be perfect, this we know full-well. But I do believe that we can have flawless intentions. If we allow ourselves to be fully available, hands open wide, to our Creator, and allow Him to transform us, His Will will supercede ours. It won't matter what anyone else thinks about us, because He will make our paths straight, just like He promised.

So here's my next step: make daily decisions to open my hands to Jesus. It's quite simple, really.

Will you join me?

Anxieties of a New Mom

It's finally here...the end of my maternity leave. I am down to only one full week before I go back to teaching full-time. First, let me get one thing straight -- I am confident that the Lord has given me a heart and a passion for high school students and for the role I play as a teacher in helping shape both their minds and futures. Those of you who have had conversations with me also know that I absolutely adore my job. It's my mission field. It's what God designed me for. He has made this so strikingly clear to me in countless ways, countless times. I know God made me a teacher. But God also created me to be a mom.

My sweet little son turned 12 weeks old this past Wednesday. Seriously? Where did these past 12 weeks go??? It seems like yesterday I was holding his sweet little body for the first time in the cold hospital room, desperately trying to figure out breast-feeding and how to change a diaper with a sore circumcision, and wondering how in the world my body would ever heal from something so painful. I remember looking at my little miracle, and tearing up just at the site of his perfect little fists and ears, wondering how anyone could look at a newborn baby and not believe that there was an Almighty Creator that had designed this little bundle to perfection. But it wasn't yesterday. It was nearly three months ago. And after three months of waking up at my leisure and spending all day with my precious boy, I now face the unknown of being a working mommy.

Those of you who are not mothers probably think I am crazy when I say I  bawl every time I think about leaving Ellis for a workday. I trust my babysitters with my LIFE, but the thought of not spending the day with my boy brings on a sadness only a mother can understand. By spending so much time together, I have gotten to bond with this child and experience so many "firsts" -- his first smile, his first laugh, his first coos. I see him smile when I wake him up from a nap. I have learned what his cries mean. He knows me, and it shows. I can't help but thinking that the first morning I leave him, he will in his small, developing mind think that I am abandoning him. How do you explain to a three month old that you will be back in a few hours? You don't. You can't. You simply have to suck it up, cry a little, and pray for the day to go quickly.

My husband keeps "reassuring" me that women have been doing this for hundreds of years, and I know he means well, but I find no comfort in those words. Other women may have done it, but I haven't. I have never had to leave Ellis for a whole day. And the thought of it is downright heartbreaking.

Let me say again that I LOVE my job. And I really do feel that this is what I am called to do with my life. My heart is the heart of a teacher, but also the heart of a mommy. I know this is not one of my most profound posts, but getting my anxieties out in words helps me not feel so muddled up inside. I'm thankful God has placed me in the classroom, and I am looking forward to what this year brings. Please pray for my emotional strength as I prepare to leave being a full-time mom and transition back into the education world. Pray for balance and clarity and focus so that I may raise Ellis in the Word, nourishing him with love and truth and attention, but also pray that I may shower love and truth and affection on the students that pass through my classroom. Jesus, help me to mirror You for both my child and my classroom.

One Year Later....

Wow...over a year has past since my last post. SO MUCH has happened since then. As I reread my last post, I had to stop and smile to myself. While remembering one reason that had brought on all my frustration, I looked at the date of my post -- April 14. This was just 8 days before God answered a prayer that I had been praying for soooo looooong. 8 days after my last post, I went to the Bluegate restaurant in Shipshewana, Indiana....and my life was forever changed. My life was not changed because of the great Amish food for which the Bluegate is known, but rather by WHO was with me at the restaurant. My accompaniment...ok, ok, date...was none other than Justin Blotkamp, a man from (get this!) my hometown of Kimmell. For those of you who have never been to Kimmell, it's really not that big, and I am kind of shocked when I don't know someone that lives there, but it indeed happened.

One year later, Justin is still such a blessing to my life. He encourages me to be the woman I should be in the Lord. He is the leader of our relationship in every way, and is my constant comfort and encouragement. I can honestly say that I have never loved any man more. Yes, I said love. This is serious. :) The Lord has answered so many prayers with Justin. One that makes my stomach go all crazy with butterflies is one that I want to share with anyone who actually still reads these blogs....

When I was 4 years old, I was adopted by my mom's new husband (an entirely different story.) My name changed legally from "Brittany Victoria Hough" to "Brittany Victoria Replogle." Many would not notice this, but my new name has 8  letters in each part. As a small child, this was important. My name was "even" -- perfect. The even-ness of my name signified that I was wanted - needed - loved. When I would play "pretend," I realized something -- someday my name would change for real, and most likely my new name would not have 8 letters. A small piece of me never wanted to get married. I didn't want to lose something that was so important to my small heart. When I started dating boys in late middle school, I would always count the letters in their last names to see if their names fit. This was a ritual that I repeated all throughout my high school years, but was never fulfilled. I decided this was a silly notion and forgot about it until late into my junior year of college.....

In mid-April of my senior year, my phone buzzed. It was a text from Cheryl Mast, asking if I knew who Justin Blotkamp was. I had no idea what the meaning of the text was, but I assumed that it was a dating set-up. Without even thinking, I counted the letters in his last name -- a perfect 8. Before I even met this man, I knew he was going to be special, and I was so much more than right!

I guess my reason behind sharing this with you is to encourage you that we serve a God that always has our best interests at heart, and longs to gives us the desires of our soul (even the small ones!) When you feel like you are so frustrated you can't go on, just remember that a blessing could be as close as 8 days away! (or sooner :) )

God Bless, and Keep Trusting :)
Rep

Thanks for the Memories...But it's a big new world out there.

Time is a funny thing, you know. No matter how many times you want time to speed up or slow down, it seems to do the exact opposite. Another downright frustrating thing about time is that you cannot predict what it will bring. You can look back, and you can experience the moment, but never can you discern what is to happen tomorrow. I am entering my last few weeks as a college student. I have had many times the past few weeks to reminisce on what crazy, incredible, stupid, and ridiculous things I did to pass time here at Bethel. Some of these memories have brought laughter (and lots of it), and some have brought tears. I have been both blessed and cursed by the memories of the past four years, and the funny thing about all this reminiscing is that as a freshman four years ago, I never would have guessed I would be on other side of things, remembering instead of living.

I honestly thought I would be in college forever. Four years seemed like an eternity. I was scared to death to come to college and have to make new friends, and many times I was convinced I would never succeed in making many solid friendships, at least like the ones I was used to growing up. Now here I am, a graduating senior, devastated that I have to leave so many wonderful people, that have made such an impact on my life. It's hard to hear people talk about "next year" and what all wonders are going to take place and know that I will no longer be here, and that Bethel College will carry on like I was never here. That's where God steps in.

I feel a tap on my shoulder. "Brittany," a voice whispers. "Stop being afraid. You think the past four years have been great? Just wait till you see what is next. This was just the preparation." What a promise in the midst of my very frequent freak out sessions of becoming an adult and leaving the comfort of the Bubble. The beauty of being a child of God is that the adventure doesn't stop with college. In fact, I would argue that it does not fully begin to bear fruit until AFTER college. So even though these have been some of the best years of my life, I can rest assured that as long as I am walking hand-in-hand with the Almighty, my life is about to change in an incredible, unfathomable, unpredictable, and beautiful way. Move over, Bethel College, my life is about to begin :)

Cliche and Overlooked.

I know that November usually brings an overboard, obsessive emphasis on the idea of Thanks-giving and being thankful. And that is not the motivation behind this post. This past week I was blessed, challenged, and convicted much more than I had anticipated. On Wednesday we were so privileged to have the Children of the World Choir in chapel performing for us. This choir was made up of children from Uganda, Nepal, and the Philippines who were orphaned or underprivileged. They had cute little songs and cute little dances to go along, drawing out many "oohs and ahhhs" from the congregation. But even though their little dances were "so cute," there was a specific time in the service where instead of the simple "oh-ah" response, a deep stirring arose in the depths of my soul. The kids invited us all to stand with them and sing along as they sang "Revelation Song." This was the only song that did not have a choreography for, and as we all stood there singing to the same God despite our age, culture, and situational differences, these precious, precious children were closing their eyes and raising their hands to God in innocent, perfect praise. These children, who were raising awareness for the dire need for clean water in their home villages, who stood before us with needs that we Americans cannot even fathom, were PRAISING. Tears welled up in my eyes as I guiltily thought about how many times I complain about the dumbest, most insignificant junk that is in my life. Compared to us these children have nothing, yet it is they who are able to surrender everything and be one with Christ.

So many times we get so caught up in the noise that is this life. I'm as guilty as anyone, if not more so. I get by on my "busy-ness" and have no time to just allow myself to praise God in the little things he provides as evidence that He is Love. He is Good. He is intimately concerned with my well-being. As I tried to contain the tears as I listened to those sweet, young voices sing praise to OUR God, I caught a glimpse of what God wants my, as well as your, spirits to be like. There is a reason Jesus said "let the children come to me." Our praise, our faithfulness, and our pursuit of Christ should be with the innocence and enthusiasm of a child.

God grant us the strength to humble ourselves to be CHILDREN of the Kingdom, rather than trying to be the leaders. Your will. Not ours.

Be blessed. And be thankful.